Running Wild

Sometimes I feel as if my life has its own personality sometimes. Like my life is actually a thing, like an arm or leg that can move on its own. I feel like Im watching my life take different directions and turns, but similar to an eyelash, it seems to operate like an involuntary reflex. And then it hits me sometimes and i scurry to change it or manouver it in a different direction. Thats kind of how i feel right now. I feel like my life is about to go through alot of new changes, exciting yet unpridictable. But there is not alot I can do to stop time, and change the way it is progressing. I cant change people either. I may feel one way about the way my life is headed, but another may feel like nothing is even changing, or they may feel like life is not as serious as it really should be. Maybe thats when i begin to doubt myself, and instead of being in control of my life, it is like the eyelash that has to blink, whether you want it to or not. I know it seems crazy to compare a life to an eyelash, but when you really think about it, they can be compared. Some people put expensive makeup on an eyelash to make it pretty, or more attractive. But when they wash it off, the true apperance of the eyelashes are tiny, and barely there. Some people have alot of material things, like drive a nice car, or decorate their house nice to make people think their life is wonderful, but the person on the inside of that car or house may feel tiny, or not good enough. If you hold your eye open and try not to blink, it hurts, and it stings. Its your body telling you that you must blink. If you try and put your life on hold and change the natural order of things, you may not get what you expected, or wind up with regret. And that hurts. Maybe im coming to a new revelation myself as i write this, and i guess i dont have much of a point, exept that my life right now feels a little out of control. I wish i could force someone to jump on board with me and make life a little easier for all of us. On the other hand, i cant just stop life and wait for others. If i were to do that, I may loose the positive in all of the situations that are coming my way. And worst all, I may live in regret. And thats something i am not willing to do for anyone. I have to blink. If i shut my eyes I wont see the good things that will be in front of me.

Quote to live by

Quote of the week:

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

This is a great quote....thats all i can say!

Too Cool For School

Since when does your child just decide to age an additional 10 years in less than a month?? Thats the current wonder that i just cant figure out. My baby started kindergarten this year, and it has only been week number 2 for him. In just these 2 weeks he's 5 going on 15. The first day of school was a joyous yet very emotional experience. I can recall dialing the number to the secretary at least 5 times asking for a minute by minute play by play on when my child would be boarding the bus. I rushed out of work an hour and a half earlier than the bus came to drop him off, and i swear i waited on London Road for at least 45 min impatiently waiting the buses arrival. As Gabe walked off the bus i bombarded him with hugs and played Dr. Phil for a while. "How did you feel at school today?" "Do you like your teacher?" "How did the other kids talk to you?" "Did your teacher pay attention to you?" Gabe was very ingaged with my questions and ate up every minute of the attention. After that day, it all changed. I havent been so pyscho, but i do ask everyday, "How was your day honey?" "Did you write letters today?" and all the normal, questions every mom would like to know. His engagment has definitly dwindled down to "I dont know mom..." And he goes right back to his computer game or spidey action figures. I have gotten that same reaction for 3 days now! I think to myself, NO!!! Its not happening yet! Hes not pushing me away this early!!! In my mind my children will never want a drivers license, live with me until they are 45 and NEVER get married. In reality, i know there would be something wrong with them if that were to be the case, but in my world, i never want to let go. I always want to play "guys" with Gabe and barbies with Elana. I want to be the audience when they are Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers. I want to always wash dirty little hulk undies and wash messy peanut butter mouths. I want to giggle at the silly questions they ask. I want to wave goodbye when the board the bus. I want to video tape dance recitals. I want to hear that little voice that says "I love you mommy" at the most random times. I dont want to be upset because my child is late for curfew, or didnt take out the garbage. I dont want to watch my daughter leave on a date with a boy. I dont want to see my son pull out of the driveway in HIS car. I dont want to see report cards yet, or hear about the teen queen gossip through the high school hallways. I want to be here forever. I want time to stop. As my famous saying goes, everything happens for a reason. And i guess never in my life have i realized the importance of time until these past couple weeks. I need to do whatever i can to hold on and cherish every moment. I will pick them up and carry their little bodies, as long as i can. I will truly listen to every silly little tale and made up song. I will take the time to read a book, or leave the house a mess for one more hour just to play a game. These are the things that make life. Have i overlooked them at times? Of course, but after my little revalation, i know to cherish every moment with them. And last night before tucking my little cuties in to bed i gave them some wise words about how very much we love each other, and how we always need to appreciate lifes good moments. As i looked around that night and saw the house was clean and warm, it smelt good, laundry was done, and i had 2 wonderful kids snug and asleep i realized how much i love my life.

Relief

This past weekend was much needed for me. Its like a big sigh of relief to ponder on the events. Stress, negativity, and pleasing others is usually my normal routine of emotions for me. To let that all go and realize just how valuable my life is made me come to a conclusion that life is too short to just live in the "norm". The tribe of women packed up and rented a very nice SUV to take a cruise out of town. As per usual, the kiddies were freaking out from the commotion of getting things packed up and adults reminding them to "go potty" half a dozen times before we left. Mom was nervous of course, and was already pre-planning how to keep everyone happy for the ride. The girls were of course, very casual and a little tired, just going with the flow. We all pack up and head out. Good conversation was present the entire way down. We all reflected on whats really important in life and how lucky we are to have each other. At that moment it really made me realize how important all 6 bodies were to me. Its easy to overlook just how important they are on an every day basis. Consumed with work, kids, money, relationships, and stressers, I dont think enough about how lucky i am to have them. I felt the negativity from the previous week seep out of my head and a very peaceful and calming feeling took over. The whole trip was exciting and fun. Stopping at little ma and pa diners, gas station snacks and eventually the company of more family. After that weekend i have not been the same. I realize that life is too short to let the negative control it. I have everything i need right here. A great man in my life, 2 beautiful kids, a wonderful self-less mother who lives her life to break her back for others, 2 beautiful sisters, inside and out. They have grown so much. With them, their personalities and strong opinions dont leave room for others to judge them because of their age, and a brother and sister in law who i can only hope to be as happily married as them. They dont sweat the materialistic things, one doesnt control the other, they complete each other. Life is too short to care about the negativity that others bring to your life. Its too short to overthink a bad experience. And its way to short to wish people would change. Everthing in life happens for a reason, and it is what it is. At the end of the day, i have to continue to live, and enjoy the people that are close to me. And to come to that conclusion I sit here and think...what a relief.

Mid life Crisis???

I cant say if its possible to hit a mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 23. If it is possible, can it be that i am going thru one? Or am I just nuts? Sometimes I stop and think about things in my life and wonder....is this it? is this why im on this beautiful green earth? Shouldnt there be more? I have all the things that most people would consider "fufulling" in life; however, to me it just doesnt seem like thats really it for me. I have a wonderful man who loves me and my children, a good paying job, a place to call home, family, friends, and all that good stuff. But I guess the things that I want so badly are close enough to touch but too far to hold. Things like more time, children aging slower, traveling the world and enjoying the worlds natural beauty, convincing people to be self less. I know i sound a little hippie-ish here, but how come we can purchase many things that make us happy, but the real joys in the life that are priceless just cant happen? People find their "joys" to keep them going, some just settle...but what about those who are just never satisfied??